The saddest day ever

Well friends, we are off to the races.  After clearing Fort Meade, I took ten days of leave which were the fastest days I have ever seen.  I can only hope the next year plus goes by that fast.

Its interesting how often the phrase "You don't know what you have until its gone" has to be reaffirmed to a man before he understands that he should cherish each day of his life with his family.  As the past two weeks went by I was waiting for anxiety about leaving that never came until the final few hours when I realized how much I was leaving behind.

I've left two good friends who I didn't spend nearly enough time with.  Jason and Jeremy seemed to always be there for me if I wanted to go out and do something but I didn't make a lot of effort to get out there and have a good time with two good role models.

There is no way to describe the hurt involved in leaving children behind in the airport holding their mama's hand while she cries.  What a hugh sense of guilt and loss I have right now.  I know these feelings will pass, but there is an utter hopelessness surrounding me right now and I expect it will keep me company for at least a few weeks.

Even the dog seemed to know something was up yesterday as she lay beside my army bags in the foyer.

On the airplane ride from Chicago to Frankfurt I started reading a Scott Turow book "Ordinary Heros".  On the second page a quote really spoke to me.  "...there have been moments when I've found the vastness of the Atlantic terrifying.  Gazing out, I realize how far I have gone from home, how alone I am now, and how immaterial my life is to the oceans, or to most of the people around me".

I'll try to keep that thought in my mind and not project my hurt onto others, but use this time to get back to the things that are good in my life and to grow my relationship with God.

Karen, Carlie, Sofia, and Bubba....(and Doodle and the nasty cat)...I love you guys.

Until later.

S.